capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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