I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
