wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
