sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
