Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
