I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
