Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Watching her eat just hurts me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
