Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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