It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
