I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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