i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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