Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
