i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
