hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
