I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
