Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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