Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
