I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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