While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
