That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
