Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she told me i tasted like america
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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