was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
