guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
