If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
