my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
