Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
