My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am one with the molecules
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
