can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
