it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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