u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
