Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
