I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
