he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
