PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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