why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
