Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
