im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
