Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
