What a fucking waste of an outfit
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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