I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
