i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
