What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
