yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
