I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
