I think I won the penis lottery.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
