I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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