Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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