Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
