Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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