We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
