i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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