I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
