3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
