its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
